Something New

I have a very introspective personality which lends to having a large fear of trying something new.  I become very anxious at the thought of doing something new and about 5,000 fears run through my mind, especially fears of failing.  I would rather stick to one thing no matter how good or bad I am at it, then learn something new.   Since Mark and I have been married, I taught kids in a variety of different situations – public school, private school and even home school.  I love kids and love teaching and find that I am way more comfortable around kids then adults.  When we found out we were pregnant, I knew I wanted to stay at home with Liza but I also knew that it meant money would be tight.   Mark and I began to brainstorms ways I could work from home – knitting, sewing, and lots of things I don’t know how to do.   The only idea that excited us was photography.   Photography has always interested me but there was one problem, I didn’t own a camera.

While I am all talk, my husband is all walk.   I like to think about the idea and see if things come along; he just jumps right into it.  You can see how we both need each other, balance each other out and how this might cause some conflict.   When the photography idea came about, Mark decided that right away I should get a camera and start learning.  Of course I am all for having a camera so I loved the idea, until about 5 or 6 months into it.   Mark was ready to see some fruit from my learning – not necessarily money but just that I was improving and learning.   Every time we had conversations about photography, fear and anxiety would rise up in me.  Would I really be able to do? Maybe I just wasn’t good enough?  What if I fail?

At Liza’s birth, I had a photographer there who was just getting started with her photography business.  She did our maternity, birth and newborn pictures for free so that she could get practice (huge blessing for a seminary family).  This sparked the idea for the kind of photography I would want to do.  Birth photography.   I get so excited about babies and birth and pregnancy.  I love seeing births and hearing about them. I don’t know if this idea will take off – there are so many details to think about but for now I have one goal with photography – practice, practice, practice.

Here are pictures from my first “photo shoot.”  I put quotes around it because really I have no idea what I am doing.  So thanks Cary and baby Eli for letting me practice!